I can’t help but notice that I’m in a race against time.
Each week on this blog my most current mindset is analyzed to form a new blog post.
I typically start by taking a few notes about a topic that’s been bothering me. Then, since I realize no one wants to read about negativity, I try to break it down and write about the topic in a positive way.
This week, however, the current theme has left me feeling like I’m in a race against time.
In all honesty, I’ve been struggling to accept the path that I must take to reach financial independence.
The Voice Inside My Head is getting Louder
Before going further, please recognize that I am merely just writing. Blogging was always about the words.
Similar to how others require weekends for socializing, I need space to regain my composure. I need seclusion to refresh.
The same way people need to rely on the opinions of others, I am compelled to think and make decisions based on my own values.
Lately, my instinctual desire for solitude is beginning to speak a little louder.
My values are beginning to scream at me. The voice inside my head is questioning if there is an alternative to the mask I have to put on.
Values Resulting from Deep Understanding
With that said, there are two things that I should point out: I am grateful for the job I have, and believe it or not I enjoy the work itself.
I get an overwhelming sense of fulfillment when I receive a sincere thank you as a result of helping someone. To make sure I’m clear, I don’t enjoy recognition—a simple one on one thank you will do just fine.
Similarly, I attain momentary joy as a result of a meaningful comment on a blog post. Especially if it’s a post I’m particularly proud of.
However, it’s the small things that make me feel like I’m in a race against time. Things that make me feel different from others, and things that make me feel like I’m wasting my time.
Overall, these feelings are just a result of a deep understanding of myself.
As we begin to age, it’s only natural that we begin to understand ourselves better. In turn, it becomes more difficult to accept new ideas that are in contrast with individual values.
For example, someone who is 5 years away from retirement is likely not interested in learning new tasks pertaining to their current job. They know themselves well at this point, and they already understand where they can make the most meaningful contributions.
On the other hand, someone in the early stages of their career is extremely mouldable. They don’t know themselves well enough yet. Therefore they seek constant information and are willing to try anything in an effort to understand more, as they should.
The Race Against Time
There is seemingly an old man inside me that is dying to escape.
He wants to share his values without the risk of offending others. He needs to elude the morning commute. This old man is tired of doing tasks that feel like a waste of time. He’s having a harder time doing things just because it’s the thing to do. There’s an opinionated person inside that he’s tired of repressing—there is someone that he feels he must become. He just wants a quiet space to work without the constant interruptions.
In addition, he is sick of the busy city life. The noise, the traffic, the swarms of people everywhere—it’s killing him. He can’t help but over-analyze situations. This is leading to a sort of information overload. He’s a homebody that aspires for a small town.
Moreover, he needs to spend his days in a quiet office writing, reading and analyzing. Sometimes, in the summertime, he thinks he would enjoy a quiet, secluded backyard from which he can work. Maybe there could be a waterfront nearby for mid-day walks.
Don’t ask me why, but menial tasks are more challenging than complex calculations. For some reason, he’d rather work 7 days a week on things he cares about as opposed to living for the weekends. He’s simply not interested in sharing his life on social media anymore. In fact, when he succumbs to doing so, it sort of makes him sick.
He’s a bit awkward in social settings. But for some reason this old man is well-liked. Perhaps it’s because he is awkward with style.
If you want to understand the personality of this old man, all you have to do is read his favourite books: The Crack-Up
Concluding Thoughts – Enlightened not Entitled
Of course, I’m not asking for someone to save me, and I’m not writing this post to log a complaint either. This is only a few words put together by a blogger in an attempt at creative writing. Furthermore, writing is just the unique coping mechanism for how I deal with challenges in my life. It’s more about my own social anxiety that it is about anything personal.
Simply put, I want to put in my time and achieve financial independence on my own.
I am more than willing to work hard, and I am aware that I have years to go with this journey. I am cognizant of the fact that I have to fit-in. Just like everyone else, there is no way to shortcut the process.
However, that doesn’t mean there is not a real struggle going on inside. The person I aspire to become is waiting for me in my forties. That person is becoming more and more impatient now.
There are days when I am overcome with feelings of depression and anxiety because of the race against time. I always do my best to overcome these feelings. But some days they get the best of me. Sometimes I need a day or two to process them alone.
In the end, all I’m asking for is a mutual understanding. My request is simple—please don’t make assumptions about my race against time.
I am not a licensed investment or tax adviser. All opinions are my own. This post contains advertisements by Google Adsense. This post also contains internal links, affiliate links, links to external sites, and links to RTC social media accounts.
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Dividend Income received in February 2018 – DIU # 9
